1:14 AM
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Received an email from Dr Yap that I've gotten into SMU H3 Econs.
Hm. At first I was thinking if cannot get in then don't need to fret over whether to drop H2 Chemistry/Mathematics to H1. Actually I have already decided that I won't drop Maths because on the whole, Maths lecturers are better than Chem ones and also because Maths is so disgustingly important. But now that mr jason ng is leaving, I'm having second thoughts.
Ohwells. It all depends on which subject has better teachers next year. Teachers are the most important factor to me.
Till then, I shall try to survive.
4 H2s, 3 CCAs, 2 H3s, 1 H1.
Gambatte!!
9:21 PM
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I can't believe it, I actually hate holidays.
Watching the last episode of 学警雄心 again reminds me of our passing out parade.
Seeing maths lecture notes reminds me that mr jason ng, the ultimate best teacher whom I stayed on with h2 maths for, plus the ultra fantastic OP assessor who provides wonderful encouragement, is leaving dhs next year.
Listening to my favourite songs reminds me of him.
And so many many more.
My heart hurts, literally.
11:15 PM
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I found a blog post in my laptop which was dated around May!
此时此刻的我应该在堆积如山的书本前埋头苦读,而不是在这倾吐心声 - 因为下个星期就是统一测验了。但若不把事情交待清楚,不但自己心里的包袱放不下,耳根也别想清静了。 =P (because yaolu kept pestering me to tell her what happened -.-)
昨天王老师在体育课后给我们上了华文与文学的茶馆补课,也把测验分了回来。我有许多地方不明白为什么会答错,因此下课后还耽误了他许多时间,问了好多好多。对于当时的我而言,我并不觉得我做错了什么。但在回家的路上,我才不自觉地进行了自我反省,发现我在发问问题时的口气非常没有礼貌。为了确定,我便问了Jia Hui 和Dinah。当然,Dinah 因为人太好了,不想让我觉得不好受,所以什么都说“还好啊!”。反而是Jia Hui说的话,让我恍然大悟,进行了很长的一段思考。
她提醒了我,老师并非我的朋友,所以说话的口气必须有所调整。换句话说,我的语气太重了(仿佛要打架似的)。况且,那时候已经很迟了,我还死缠烂打地不断问东问西,并没有考虑到老师已经很累了。
的确,因为家庭出身的缘故,我的说话方式一直以来都是这样。好听的就叫直率,不好听的就叫粗俗,不经过大脑,没有礼貌。这样的“特点”让我给他人很不好的第一印象,但认识我久了大多数都变成了我的好朋友。就因为这样,所以即使很多好朋友都提醒我对于“外人”不要太直接,但我仍然坚信自己的立场,那就是坦诚相对,有话直说。因为我相信只有这样才不会有勾心斗角、不会有虚伪奸诈。
若认为朋友有什么做得不对,与其在背后向其他人说(也就是所谓的在背后捅他一刀),不如直接了当当面对质,解决问题?
我一直以来都是这么想的。但昨天经过不断的思考,我发现自己原来是多么的愚昧无知。我理所当然地认为大家都有跟我一样的想法,但其实我忽略了最重要的一点 --- 并不是每一个人都可以接受这样直接的处理方式。
首先必须承认的是,忠言始终是逆耳的。谁不想听到别人对自己美言呢?赞美的话确实会让人感觉甜滋滋的。所以说嘛,何必自讨苦吃,给自己多添几个仇家呢?反正不是很熟的朋友,随口说句好话应酬敷衍就好了!其实这个道理我何尝不是老早就知道了呢?但我天真地以为若是真心为了那个人好,他一定感受得到。我知道,我错了。
再者,说话直接其实会无意间伤害到人。直率的人犯的最大错误就是并没有站在对方的角度考虑,想想对方听完后的感受。其实只要把想说的话在脑海中重新组织再说出来,效果可能会有天渊之别!这我也知道,三思而后行嘛!但嘴动得比脑快,叫我怎么办?把嘴缝起来吗?
想到这里,我便想起了我周围的朋友,而且感到一股莫名的感动。原来我这么多年来都忽略了他们的感受,没有体恤他们的心情!心直口快的我说话前不经过大脑,破口而出的话可想而知,一定有不少伤人的吧!然而,他们却不断包容我的不体贴,对我不离不弃。他们时常给我警惕,要我小心得罪人,我却一耳进一耳出,没放在心上。我真是身在福中不知福啊!
Looking back, I realised that despite knowing the problem with the way I speak, I didn't manage to change anything. It's contradicting really. At times I can agree that I need to change, yet at times when people like qingyi or zhiying says it, I will get all worked up and be so indignant about it.
What's wrong with me =(
12:51 AM
Monday, November 17, 2008
岁月的流逝,是我最大的恐惧。
Time flies. Cliche but nevertheless undeniably true.
I am so proud of myself. Finally packed my room after much procrastinating, and threw away around 3 boxes of unwanted stuff. It is unbelivable, but every time I clean my room, I manage to chuck tons of things into the garbage bin. It's like, I throw away more stuff than I pack. Yet, mommie never fails to complain that there are plenty of things that I should throw away, especially those under the "for memory's sake" category. Haha yup, I classify my stuff, so neat right! Manga, CCAs (90% St John stuff, ADMIN T.T), Economics, Maths, Chemistry, English, Chinese, Random, and last but not least, "for memory's sake".
In case you were wondering, "for memory's sake" consists of presents and precious messages from friends, dunman high yearbooks, autograph books, and many more miscellaneous stuff like the nametag for temasek seminar =.=
Seriously, I have already improved a great deal. Last year, I still kept all my primary school presents with their wrapping papers in a box despite mommie's exasperation and insistence that I throw or give them away. I was like playing tug-of-war with her lah! If I let down my guard for even a second, my precious presents would land up in the dustbin T.T
Oh wells. This time round I gave in. Perhaps I have matured, or perhaps my immunity has increased.
It's amazing how I managed to depress for 6 months over graduating from Park View. In Secondary 1, I wanted to isolate myself so that I won't forge friendships with anyone. So that I won't be sad again when it's time to part. Now that I recall, it seems to be such a silly thought. Yet, the fear of separation was so real and overwhelming at that time. In the end, I still ended up crying when 2D had to split up. And OMG. Passing out from St John in Year 4 almost killed me. I cried for days and nights until my eyes were swollen like anything. I almost swore not to have friends ever again.
After experiencing countless times of separation, I understand that regardless of how painful it is at that moment, time will heal the wound eventually. Yet, this understanding doesn't seem to help. Whenever I realise how time flies, and how at this time next year I will bid farewell to dunman high, tears just flow uncontrollably. Somehow I have the feeling that it will be totally different from the past. So different that I will never ever recover again.
For I love the school like anything.