1:08 AM
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Felt super awake after talking to yaolu on the phone for one hour plus so decided to jot down some random thoughts.
It's finally the last lap towards the As now. Mr sng's speech indeed served as a wake-up call like what I was hoping for, it made me cry and realise that everything will boil down to nothing if I waste this last lap. It made me remember that I had a goal in mind this entire year, that is to do the school proud. To show the nation that dhs can do it, regardless of whether it's character, co-curricular activities or academics wise. Because we have got a group of dedicated principal, teachers, people whom we love and are willing to slog for.
Having that said, I still haven't gotten into the intense studying mode. I'm not sure what's hindering me, but I will definitely continue to strive and not give up. 2 more days to the first paper, huiwen you can do it!!
9:11 PM
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Completed another two papers today.
Maths paper 2 was much better than paper 1, thank goodness there's some new hope now. Hopefully this hope is not merely an illusion - I must believe in Statistics!
CLL paper 1 was fine too, don't know why I had so much excess time today. Really suspected that I had missed out some questions or something :\ Oh. And I enjoyed writing my zuo wen today! Really felt some gan jue, which should be the case since I'm writing shu qing wen. Usually during exams it's the case of writing for the sake of filling up the pieces of paper, but this time it just felt different, with more purpose and stuff :D
Perhaps I should be happy for scraping past, but personally I believe that I don't deserve it. Should be most probably a case of grade inflation, or something went wrong with the marking. Whatever the case, I shall do as I promised and slog for paper 1.
But I feel really sleepy and tired now... The slogging shall start tomorrow!
6:28 PM
Sunday, September 20, 2009
i flopped my econs paper 2 for prelims. i think i'm gonna fail.
The sense of impending doom before stepping into the hall was terrifying. Never had I felt so helpless and unprepared before. I went in with an empty head and came out filled with regrets. I couldn't even think logically during the 2hr and 15 mins, making many stupid mistakes that showed a lack of common sense. Seriously, my scripts are all rubbish. Halfway through, I really had an urge to tear up everything and press reset. But apparently it was impossible, so I just continued filling up the papers with rubbish.
I only have myself to blame, for being complacent and neglecting the subject altogether (I only touched it once before prelims since after common test). It's so bad, I've lost every bit of the econs feeling. But I promise, to really really really slog it out for paper 1. Because I don't want to have to depend on moderation to get an A for econs (or even pass, for that matter).
Oh, and it's really frustrating and irritating how nobody believes that I flopped. What 'you don't study also can one la', 'you flop then we all die already'... Zz. I REALLY FLOPPED. GO AND DIE LA.
Argh. I hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself.
12:03 AM
Saturday, September 05, 2009
I seriously cannot believe that I've just taken my GP prelims. It really just felt like a class assignment, and I don't know whether that's a good thing... As usual, I didn't complete my AQ again. I realise that I've NEVER managed to finish it before for major examinations, that's so amazing.
Every single day just flies by at lightning speed, we've experienced our last PE lessons, last tutorials, last Teachers' Day, last phototaking... Which implies that our last day in Dunman High is not too far away as well.
Although this September holidays is for pure mugging, I will constantly remind myself that I'm doing not only for myself, but most importantly for my family and my school. I'm sure this love will keep me motivated (:
JIAYOU everyone!
11:44 PM
Saturday, August 01, 2009
My entire day was spent in pain. Menstrual cramps plus broken finger plus mummy at work equals tears and self-pity. But thank goodness for friends like emelyne and njh who cared. Times like these make me feel thankful and blessed because i know that i am not alone. They brought smiles to my tears, which motivated me to get well soon so that i can bring the same happiness to others around me. So yup, really really really thanku two, love ya all loads =D
Oh, and i missed the nanyang concept test. Shucks, i really wanted to use it as a practice for a levels mcqs. But never mind, health should be the top priority! The entire day of sleep made me feel much better already, JIAYOU for tmr thuiwen!
Forget the disappointment, remember the love and gratitude you have for the others.
12:06 AM
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
whoa, it's over. yes, i actually survived till the end of cts.
i hate the way how after every paper, i will stare into space on the way back home and keep going through the same paper again, blaming and hating myself for not having done this or that, or why i didn't thought of that extra thing to write.
aint that such a perfectionist freak that nobody can stand?
i don't remember myself being like that in the past, or at least not over a stupid examination. but perhaps that perfectionist trait has always been with me, like what ms low told me in my upper secondary years after looking at the portfolio that i've done.
ohwells. i've learnt quite a lot from this holiday.
i've learnt that last minute chionging will not work again like how it did for my past 17 years - A levels will be a discerning screening device to filter off tyco ppl like me who managed to scrape through all this while. yup, so it's obviously time to change my style of not doing tutorials/assignments and start bucking up!
and i realised that if one day i die, it will not be because of lack of sleep due to mugging, but because i killed myself with ridiculously high self-expectations. such an attitude has led to unhealthy symptoms like picking on every single mistake i made, and feeling inadequate about my abilities.
the two sides in me are constantly struggling. one says that i have depended on luck all this while in academics and now that luck is not on my side anymore, i should not fantasize that i can still maintain my results. the other side keeps striving and despite admitting that i have been lucky all this while, wants me to believe that if i do work hard, it's definitely possible for me to reach higher levels based on my own abilities.
yes, i am a perfectionist. but i am not perfect. so should i quit being a perfectionist or strive to be more perfect?
i think the latter is easier.